By Tatjana Popovic, M.Ed., BCBA, RBA (Ont.)
Repeated room exits and bedtime battles are two of the most common sleep challenges I hear about from families. The good news is that there are a few specific things you can look at and adjust, and most families see a real shift within one to two weeks.
Here are the things I focus on first.
1. Check That Bedtime Isn’t Working Against You
If your toddler won’t stay in bed or keeps coming out of their room, the first thing worth reviewing is their sleep schedule.
A child who is put to bed before their body is ready to sleep will struggle to settle. For children between 1 and 5 years old, wake windows before bed, meaning the stretch of awake time before lights out, matter a lot. A toddler whose wake window is too short may simply not be tired enough at the time you’re trying to put them down. Pushing bedtime 20 to 30 minutes later can sometimes resolve the bedtime resistance entirely.
It’s also worth looking at the wind-down period before bed. A calm, predictable routine of 20 to 30 minutes, things like a bath, pyjamas, brushing teeth, and one or two books, helps the body and brain shift into sleep mode. A routine that includes screens or active play close to lights out makes it harder for your child to settle once you leave the room.
2. Use the Bedtime Pass
The bedtime pass is one of the most well-researched tools available for toddlers who repeatedly come out of their room. It’s simple, it gives your child a small amount of control, and studies consistently show it reduces curtain calls significantly.
Here’s how it works.
Your child gets one physical pass at the start of the bedtime routine. They can use it to leave their room once, for any reason. When they come out, you respond warmly, help them with what they need, and take the pass. After that, the pass is gone for the night.
A few things make this work well in practice.
The pass needs to be something tangible. A laminated card, a decorated popsicle stick, a small token. Something your child can hold and hand to you.
Rehearse it during the day. Before you introduce the pass at bedtime, practise the whole sequence when there’s no pressure. Walk through what it looks like to use the pass, hand it over, and head back to the room. Children do better with new expectations when they’ve had a chance to rehearse them in a calm moment.
Pair it with a reward your child actually cares about. The next morning, if the pass wasn’t used, or if it was used just once, celebrate that. A sticker on a chart, a small preferred activity, a little extra one-on-one time, whatever your child finds genuinely motivating. The reward is what drives the new behaviour forward, so it’s worth taking a moment to think about what your child would really value.
Respond warmly when the pass is used. The pass isn’t a punishment system. When your child uses it, meet them with the same calm and warmth you’d bring to any reasonable request. The goal is for your child to feel that the pass works, so that the limit of one exit feels fair rather than harsh.
Most families see a noticeable reduction in curtain calls within the first week. Some children test the boundary in the first few nights before the pattern settles, which is completely normal.
3. When to Get Support
If you’ve worked on the schedule, the routine, and introduced the bedtime pass consistently for two weeks without a meaningful shift, it’s worth getting a proper assessment. This is especially true if the pattern started after a sleep regression or a big transition like a new sibling, a move, or starting daycare. Sometimes there’s more than one layer to a sleep problem, and a consultation can help identify what’s maintaining the pattern and give you a plan that targets the right thing.
At The Restful Path, I work with Ontario families virtually to do exactly that. Whether through a single-session consultation or a comprehensive sleep assessment with a written intervention plan, my aim is to give you a clear picture of what’s happening and a step-by-step plan that fits your family. I serve families across Ontario and Canada.
If you’re ready to make bedtime calmer and more predictable for everyone, I’d love to help.
Book a free, 15 minute consultation here.
Tatjana Popovic, M.Ed., BCBA, RBA (Ont.) is a sleep and behaviour consultant serving Ontario families virtually through The Restful Path.